Purgatory is an Inexact Science
by Pokota
Summary: Severus Snape. He does not deserve Hell, but has not yet earned a peaceful placement in Heaven either. He is therefore to be given a rare choice - but as he is now, it wouldn't be a choice at all.
1. Your Own Private Hell

This was not quite what he expected.

"_Wasn't this being done for someone else already?"_ Severus Snape asked of the expanseless expanse of void.

**Ah, yes, you do need punishment... but why are you to be offered The Choice afterward?**

"_The what?"_

**Hmm... you can't be put in Hell proper, and you're not ready for The Choice yet... you still need to repent for your actions.**

"_I already-"_

**I'm not talking about your feeding the prophecy to Riddle, you repaid that many times before your death. You're being punished for other reasons. I'm still working out the details...**

There was a green flash. It took a moment for Severus to realize that he'd been moved to Godric's Hollow, and that he'd just seen Riddle kill James Potter.

**...but I think being an observer will be sufficient until all the details are worked out!**

"_What."_

But even if it wasn't already too late to change things, Severus found to his horror that when he moved to stop Riddle from heading up to where Lily was, he was intangible and quite inaudible.

He was being forced to watch it happen. All he could do was stand there and watch as Lily plead with Riddle to spare the boy, to take her instead. It broke him, and it broke him again as Lily fell lifeless to the ground. But even in that he felt a cetain vindictive... satisfaction, he supposed, in knowing that Riddle would fail here due to Lily's sacrifice.

And then it happened. When the boy was struck with the curse, time seemed to slow to a still... and there, between Riddle and the boy, stood Lily and James.

"_S-Severus?" _Lily asked. _"You're dead too?"_

"_I... I don't understand how I came to be here."_

**I'll answer that. Lily, James, this is a future Severus. He's being punished for certain decisions that he made after your deaths. He had truly repented of one particular decision that led to this moment, sparing him from Hell Proper, but as he is now he would still find Heaven to be a punishment. This Severus will be following Harry until he grows up.**

"_Until who grows up, h__im or Harry?"_ James asked, half-joking.

**That has yet to be determined. Possibly both.**

"_And what, specifically, am I being punished for here? Why would I find Heaven to be a punishment?"_ Severus asked.

**You were resentful and bitter, more angry at yourself than anything else, but you took it out upon innocent children. This is why you would find Heaven to be Hell – you would be asked to answer for your actions by those whom you harmed in being bitter and resentful across all those years, and you would find yourself unable to. _You would wish for Hell, _thinking that physical torment would be preferable to such emotional torture, and you would be denied it.**

Nobody spoke for a moment. _"My punishment, then, is to see things from the boy's point of view?"_

**My boss is still working out the details, but for now the answer's yes. Lily, James, I'm to bring the two of you to Heaven in a moment for your orientations. Things will be a bit different for you two since you created a True Love's Shield for your son and so will need to stay nearby, but for the most part it'll be normal. If you have any last words for each other, say them now. It will be a long time indeed before you see each other again.**

Again, there was a degree of silence. What was there to say? That he was sorry that he told Voldemort about the prophecy? But before Severus could say anything, Lily was hugging him while James stood slightly away awkwardly.

"_I wish we could have all been friends together, Sev. But you'd chosen your path and I couldn't follow, not there."_

"_Lily... I always regretted what I did. I never stopped loving you, and I never stopped hating the fact that I lost you to Potter."_

"_Oi!" _James cried out. _"I'm right here!"_

Lily smiled ruefully. _"If you had the chance to do everything over again, would you choose differently? I __might __n__o__t have chosen James over you if you'd shown me a reason to."_

Severus thought about that. _"I think I would."_

James took Lily's hand. _"Would you really have chosen him over me?"_

"_I __might __have."_ She kissed James. _"__You need to r__emember that you were an arrogant toerag until you were seventeen and I lost his friendship at fifteen __partly because of you__."_

With that, James and Lily Potter walked into eternity hand in hand.

**I understand a little better now why you were to be given The Choice. But that will be for later, once you've shown a broken heart and a contrite spirit. **

Something in that phrasing pricked at Severus' ears. But before he could ask, time began to move again. He watched as Riddle's body was disintegrated due to the combined magics of the True Love's Shield, the Avada Kedavra, and the effects of Riddle's Horcruxes. Then things seemed to move almost in ultra speed. He watched as Rubeus Hagrid retrieved the boy from the ruins, as Black attempted to get Harry, then as he gave his illegal motorbike to the half-giant. He flew alongside Hagrid on the way to Surrey, where Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall were awaiting the boy's delivery.

After a few moments of this hyperspeed treatment, Severus spoke up. _"I suppose we won't be observing every living moment, then?"_

**Hmm? Oh, right, you haven't been introduced to the concept of Subjective Time yet. Effectively, what's going to happen is you're going to be observing the important moments. We're drawing on an alternate reality where this is all fiction as a guideline as to what the important moments are. **

"_I'm glad to know you're taking this seriously." _Severus said before he could stop himself. The boy was being chased by a rather large dog and Severus much preferred not to watch.

**I really am! Just because I'm new at being a psychopomp doesn't mean I'm a complete idiot.**

"_...I'm being taken across the River Styx by a novice. What, Charon was unavailable?"_

**I'm an Apprentice, actually, and if you keep up that attitude I'll make you experience time objectively. Ten years of observing 'the boy' grow up. Do you really want that?**

Severus wisely kept his mouth closed, while in the canon Petunia tried to force a horrid orange sweater over the boy's head. Her attempts were futile, as the boy was unconsciously using his magic to shrink the sweater. She eventually gave up.

**Charon's reserved for a unique subset of evil people – and no, not even making Horcruxes qualifies for getting him as your psychopomp – so you should be glad you're not getting him. To get him, you would have to have known Absolute Truth while still alive, and then turned completely against it while still alive. Most people don't get Absolute Truth revealed to them until after death as a protective measure. In any case, you'll be switched to Objective Time once we get to the summer of 1991. That's when most of the big stuff starts.**

"_Joy." _Severus sat down, as the two of them saw Harry locked in the cupboard after some minor infraction that was more than likely due to accidental magic. _"Isn't that going to get them in trouble with Children's Protection Services?"_

**Are you concerned? **

Severus stood for a moment before he realized he was being asked a question. _"It's like my life, but from the outside."_

**You didn't see this when you were trying to teach him Occlumency?**

"_Bits and pieces, and I never saw infraction and punishment in a cause-effect context. Occlumency doesn't give unrestricted access to memories; it's heavily influenced by the target's thoughts and emotions at the time, and generally you can only see images. What I did see only convinced me that he was just like his father."_

**Ah, so it's nothing like our kind of soul-reading. I'm still new at this and you're honestly the first Wizard I've been allowed to work with.**

Time started to decompress as they approached the summer of 1991. Severus steeled himself as he felt his perceptions shift.

**I think I've got the subjective/objective time thing set properly; you'll skip over the irrelevant things. I'll have to leave you in about an hour; I get to help set up a Sisyphean Damnation later today.**

Severus felt a bolt of sheer terror when he heard that. Per the myth, Sisyphus had been condemned to roll a heavy boulder up a uniquely steep hill until he managed to get it to stay perfectly still on the top – as the boulder would always roll back downhill when he got more than halfway up, it was a perfectly futile task. _"Do I get to ask who gets that particular damnation?"_

**It's reserved for those who successfully cheat death. **The voice said with disdain. **How it works is that they're shifted into alternate timelines, the timelines are tweaked so that they are guaranteed to fail, and this goes on eternally. I think you know who's getting this one.**

Severus shuddered, as they saw Harry speak with a python at the zoo. _"__How long will I be forced to watch the boy?"_

**I don't yet know. Depending on how things go, you may be offered The Choice sooner than I expect, but if you are then The Choice will also be different than I expect. In either case it's at least going to be until you've matured enough for The Choice to be meaningful. Right now it wouldn't be a choice at all.**

"_What's this choice you keep speaking of?"_ They watched as Harry fought with Vernon over his Hogwarts letters.

**I can't reveal too much about The Choice, as knowing too much about it will impact your decision later. Just know this for now – should you decide that you can no longer stand by as an idle observer, The Choice will be available to you to make then and there. Man's Agency is honored in the afterlives, but you must be prepared to accept the consequences. The Choice will differ depending on if you invoke it early or not. That is, in perfect honesty, all I am allowed to say. **

Time came to almost a crawl as their view shifted to a hut on a rock in the middle of the sea, and Severus realized that he was about to watch the boy on his own.


	2. Informed Decision Making

_AN: The nice thing about this method is that I can paraphrase all I want and nobody can really complain since it's not a true readfic. And if you think it's preachy now, you should have seen the original revision. A cookie to you if you can name all the references._

It wasn't an Earth-Shattering Kaboom.

It would, however, be world-shattering for the boy and his cousin. The fat one sat up and dazedly asked where the cannon was.

_"I can see why he would be asking about cannons, given the noise..."_

**OH MY GASP I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE!**

The psychopomp's voice ruined what little focus Severus could spare for the whole of the scene. _"I thought you were __busy__ organizing Voldemort's eternal punishment."_

**...Oh, yeah, you still qualify as a mortal as far as Time is concerned. You see, mortals-**

_"-can only experience time, subjective or otherwise, from a linear perspective. Any explanation beyond that would be over my head as I have only ever experienced time as a mortal."_ They watched as Hagrid tied a longbarrel shotgun into knots. _"It's so easy to forget that he's a half-giant with how he behaves."_

**Remind me not to taunt him. In any case, Riddle's punishment involves a self-perpetuating time loop and-**

_"Please, do continue. I'm sure it's not anything I could have inferred from your previous explanation."_

There was a moment of silence as Hagrid exploded at the insult of Harry being told his parents had died in a car crash.

**-and an approachingly-infinite number of Harry Potters. You know, this is exactly the sort of attitude that got you into this mess. **

_"I'm not sure I needed the mental image of an infinite number of Potters."_

**Some of them are even typing away at typewriters, trying to replicate Shakespeare!**

Severus cracked a smile at that. _"__While I appreciate the humor, somehow I get the feeling that implying that the boy is as intelligent as a monkey isn't doing me any favors in the long run."_

**You have seen but one Harry Potter, though he is the true one. Don't take the Canon for granted.**

_"The... the Canon?"_

**What really happened. In an infinite universe, anything can happen, right? Sisyphean Damnation takes advantage of that to foist the victim to experience his failures again and again and again. Most of the Harrys I've met don't mind being used as the butt of the Infinite Monkey Theorem – some of them actually are simple simians granted sentience - and we have to put them _somewhere_ when they die.**

"I will not pay for some crackpot old fool to teach him magic tricks!"

_"Does Vernon Dursley die at some point?"_

With a musical voice, the reply was **When he's sixty-four.**

_"Not soon enough... wait, was that a quote from the Beatles?"_

Severus got the impression of an impish grin. The effect soon faded as Hagrid pointed his umbrella at Dudley Dursley and gave him a curly pig's tail.

**He really shouldn't have done that. **

_"No, he really shouldn't have, and neither should have Hagrid."_

**That's who... oh, I get it.**

Severus sighed. _"At least you did get it. I've known too many who would have missed it entirely."_

**Contrary to your beliefs, you are not the smartest person you know. Yes, you are quite intelligent, but there are things of which you know little. **

_"Such as?"_

There was a moment of comparative silence as Hagrid presented Harry with his massive coat to use as a blanket.

**Which major ancient wizard got himself beheaded after a night of hard drinking and lost the Copper Codex to a handful of muggles that escaped almost undetected? **

Severus answered without hesitating._"Laban of Jerusalem. Every wizard historian knows that – the root of all anti-muggle sentiment stems from the theft of the Copper Codex."_

**And what was documented in the Copper Codex? Why was it so important that traditional wizards hate all mugglekind for the theft – and so unique that thousands of years later it still hasn't been replicated by wizardkind?**

Severus stood there, stunned by the audacity of this psychopomp. _"How can __anyone__ possibly know that? The Copper Codex was lost to time once those muggles stole __and lost it__! The best we have is conjecture!"_

**Those muggles did not lose it, despite their best efforts. It's simply hidden until the time is ripe for it to come forth unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and peoples.**

Again, the chosen phrasing touched something in Severus' memory, but he wasn't sure what._"I suppose you're not just going to simply tell me the answer on the grounds that I'm not ready or something similarly asinine?"_

**I could tell you, but you wouldn't believe me if I did. There's really no point in telling you right now.**

The sun broke, and Harry stirred from under Hagrid's coat. An owl was rapping at the window.

_"Try me._"

The voice explained many things that Man was not meant to hear without significant preparation, as Hagrid and Harry made their way to Diagon Alley. Severus stood there failing to vocalize his thoughts for a full minute before he recovered._"That's it. I quit. Bring on the fire and brimstone, that would be a more palatable hell than this."_

In the Canon, Hagrid opened up his newspaper. **Wow, Albus was right. You _can't_ take a joke.**

_"Which part was the joke, I wonder?"_ Severus grumbled. _"May I get a new Psychopomp?"_

**Nope. I'm assigned to you until you make The Choice.**

_"Can I make The Choice now?"_

**You could, but you shouldn't. **

Harry was jogging to keep up with Hagird. "Hagrid, did you say there were Dragons at Gringotts?"

_"Why not? No, wait, don't tell me. I'm not ready to make The Choice. It's not a meaningful choice because I would... I don't even know, maybe ask to rewind time to my school years and try things again from there knowing what I know now."_

**Right in one.**

_"So why can't I choose that now?"_

**Because for it to be a _meaningful_ choice, the alternative must _also_ be worth considering seriously_._ Going back in time to try again is _a_ choice, and that choice will take this destiny off of Harry's shoulders and put it on your own. Admirable, but that's not your style. Plus it's been written before.**

_"It's been written before?" _Severus could feel his eye twitching, which considering he didn't have a physical eye to twitch nor nerves to cause or feel the twitching with, was quite a feat. _"Are you suggesting that I'm a fictional character?"_

**It's a metaphor that I like to use, though again in an infinite universe-**

_"Please do spare me the metaphysical conjecture and get to the point."_

**You really are quite the spoilsport, you know.** The voice pouted. ** Fine. You know how I mentioned before that we were using a universe in which this was all fiction as a guide for which events would be worth watching on your part? In that same universe, a story was written in which you made exactly the choice you are contemplating right now. You make The Choice now, _you become that Severus_. Besides, this – watching Harry's life - is _supposed_ to be your punishment, in case you forgot. If I give in now before you're truly contrite, it doesn't do you any good in the short run and it sure doesn't look good on _my_ record in the long run.**

_"So you're not entirely motivated by altruism, then."_

**Not entirely, no. Though given the fact that the alternative is to escort people who will never choose light when given the choice, I think I'll stick with people with the potential for true repentence. **

They all stood at the gates of Gringotts. _"I'm glad to see you're taking this seriously. I already know the boy's fate. I hate the fact that I effectively damned him to it."_

**You did not damn him to it, you doomed him to it. Subtle difference, but very important. Had it been Neville instead of Harry, damn would be appropriate.**

_"I see no difference for this boy."_ The boy in question was viewing his own miniature – and heretofore unknown - fortune in awe and wonder.

**And that is why you must suffer this punishment before you can be offered The Choice. As you are, it wouldn't be a choice at all.**

_"I still don't understand why it needs to be a meaningful choice. Let's say I chose now to take his burden from him."_ Harry reluctantly took his eyes away from the grubby package that Hagrid was stuffing into his coat. _"What harm does that do to me in the short term?"_

**You won't have as clear an understanding of what exactly his burden entails. You'll still succeed in defeating Riddle, but your path will be more difficult.**

_"You also mentioned that it's not my style. What do you mean by that?"_

**Let's be honest. Being the keystone hero for a rebellion requires a mindset you simply do not have. Where you are subtle, strategic, and cunning... Harry is not. Were the positions reversed, with you holding the key to Riddle's defeat and Harry your... hated enemy that secretly wants you to succeed, I suppose... you two are caliginous to each other but only because you insisted on antagonizing him for years, whereas if the positions were reversed I don't even know what would happen. Note to self: investigate infinite universes for this situation and observe.**

_"Caliginous?" _Severus shook his head. _"Wait, nevermind. He's Potter's son and Black's godson, and he witnessed me kill Albus. Of course he would hate me."_

**Or pity you, once he sees those memories you gave him. You haven't observed his actions after your death, you know. You choose now and you _never_ will know.**

_"That's hardly fair, appealing to my curiosity like that. I feel like I'm on Charn and have just been presented with that damnable bell."_

**Then shut up and watch. **The voice fell silent as Harry stepped into Ollivander's. **Though I suppose we can skip to the interesting bit.**


End file.
